Following a rather long session of driving today, my ennui-numbed mind was caught off guard when I learned that our vets are trying to create a new, powerful feline race to rule over humans. Now, in my estimation cats already have enormous sway over human events, possibly even more than Ikea or the Cheez-It cartel. Cats are so cunning that one can orchestrate a deliberate multiple feeding in the morning: after being fed like normal, it seeks out a second family member, rousing him, and so on through all humans in the house. Each time it is able to convince the human that it is terribly hungry, in need of immediate aid.
Given this, imagine my surprise when the Veterinary Assistant (who normally hold Bachelor's of High School degree) came into the room and gave us a sample of this. She explained: "This food is changing everything, it's amazing. It will make your cats healthy, get rid of their hairballs, it's great."
More blather followed, extolling the significant increase in vitality, energy, immune system, you name it, that the cats would experience with this product. Naturally, I had to be a wanker.
Me: "Do you have the results of some double-blind study, or other form of convincing data on this?"
This evoked something like a syntax error for humans. Perhaps I was asking too much.
But wait---why is it acceptable for people to claim scientific authority without such data? It's done every day, not just by mouth-breathing surrogate pet food salesmen, but also by dieticians, psychologists, exercise professionals, etc. We shouldn't excuse these people; yes, they are making money, but they do so at the expense of millions of credulous pseudointellectuals in our nation's colleges, coffee shops, and internet messageboards, and I end up hearing this shit.
Number 1 on my shitlist for this, though, is the South Beach Diet, the program of Arthur Agatston, whose book has been on the New York Times best seller list for more than a year. The book is by a cardiologist, and he claims that not only will you lose twenty pounds in the first couple weeks, but that overall if you stick to the diet you are more likely to enjoy good cardiovascular health long into old age. The man never did a clinical trial, or if he did he hid the results, because there isn't a single statistic (justified or otherwise) that I saw in the entire book about chances of the program working. How would we know if people even lose weight this way, let alone reduce their risk of heart disease? Why is it ok for this guy to accept people's money under the guise of medical science?
As for the cats, they seem to enjoy the food. I for one, welcome our new feline overlords.